Sometimes Looking Up is the Hardest Part

Last week was a rough week for Egg.

Several friends announced pregnancies, and while I try very hard to be happy for them (and deep down, mixed with the envy and sadness I genuinely am) it's hard for that not to feel like a slap in the face, and a grand reminder of my own failures. My friend Wait is also due with her own baby any day now. Even though the fertility issues right now not just mine-and if I trust my doctors, at this point, it's probably not me, it's him.

So, with all the moping I was doing, I turned to one of my favorite fertility blogs, the Stirrup Queens, who often make me smile, and even when they don't, remind me that there are many miles to go on this journey. This week, on the blog, a list of Silver Linings appeared-things that one could be grateful for about fertility challenges. And some of them made me smile broadly, and others made me cringe. I know for sure, I've thought about the "not ever having to pay for contraception again" part, for sure, though I long to get back to having sex when we feel like it and not on a schedule.

My own silver lining is that my own fertility challenges have made me ever more grateful than I was before for the friends who love me. My very dear Sonja, who reminded me last Thursday to go do something nice for myself, and that we should go out and have fondue on Friday (which we did)-I can't imagine having taken this journey without her love and support. Or the right now unnamed friend who offered to try and schedule a cam show while we went for a semen analysis. (Unnamed friend, you're free to reveal yourself if you like.) The friends who have made me laugh when the only thing I thought about doing was crying, or who let me tell the stories of our semen analysis adventures, and who laughed when I thought about putting Wiggler's testicular ultrasound pictures out on the web. There are the friends who are struggling with their own fertility challenges and who I sat with one evening at a party entertaining and amusing each other, and other guests with stories of the procedures we've gone through. Or my friend Beth whose scientific knowledge and incredible research and interpretation skills have been beyond measure.


As much as the challenge of dealing with my fertility issues, and Wiggler's fertility issues, and the combination of them has challenged our marriage, and our relationship, it's made us really deal with things together. I understand how couples could split up over this. While the financial cost looms large, the emotional cost is even greater. Whatever happens through this whole journey, I'll come away cherishing my friends more than ever.

-Egg