Thursday, July 26, 2007

Sometimes Looking Up is the Hardest Part

Last week was a rough week for Egg.

Several friends announced pregnancies, and while I try very hard to be happy for them (and deep down, mixed with the envy and sadness I genuinely am) it's hard for that not to feel like a slap in the face, and a grand reminder of my own failures. My friend Wait is also due with her own baby any day now. Even though the fertility issues right now not just mine-and if I trust my doctors, at this point, it's probably not me, it's him.

So, with all the moping I was doing, I turned to one of my favorite fertility blogs, the Stirrup Queens, who often make me smile, and even when they don't, remind me that there are many miles to go on this journey. This week, on the blog, a list of Silver Linings appeared-things that one could be grateful for about fertility challenges. And some of them made me smile broadly, and others made me cringe. I know for sure, I've thought about the "not ever having to pay for contraception again" part, for sure, though I long to get back to having sex when we feel like it and not on a schedule.

My own silver lining is that my own fertility challenges have made me ever more grateful than I was before for the friends who love me. My very dear Sonja, who reminded me last Thursday to go do something nice for myself, and that we should go out and have fondue on Friday (which we did)-I can't imagine having taken this journey without her love and support. Or the right now unnamed friend who offered to try and schedule a cam show while we went for a semen analysis. (Unnamed friend, you're free to reveal yourself if you like.) The friends who have made me laugh when the only thing I thought about doing was crying, or who let me tell the stories of our semen analysis adventures, and who laughed when I thought about putting Wiggler's testicular ultrasound pictures out on the web. There are the friends who are struggling with their own fertility challenges and who I sat with one evening at a party entertaining and amusing each other, and other guests with stories of the procedures we've gone through. Or my friend Beth whose scientific knowledge and incredible research and interpretation skills have been beyond measure.

As much as the challenge of dealing with my fertility issues, and Wiggler's fertility issues, and the combination of them has challenged our marriage, and our relationship, it's made us really deal with things together. I understand how couples could split up over this. While the financial cost looms large, the emotional cost is even greater. Whatever happens through this whole journey, I'll come away cherishing my friends more than ever.



The Town Criers said...

This post made me smile (thank you).

And it is a very bright silver lining in all of this--when you find that support.

Dreamer4agift said...

Hi, I've been checking in on your for the last 2 mths and hoping you're doing okay.

Dreamer4agift said...

Hi there again, how are you doing? Sending ((hugs)) your way no matter where you are.

Dvd Avins said...

Yes, she is OK. I read her elsewhere, but since I don't know whether she wants the connection made, I can't say where. She is due in April.

The Pifer's said...

I found your blog, and I too am suffering through infertility. I'm praying for you!

Dr Aniruddha Malpani, MD said...

Most people have no clue what infertile couples go through.

The hunger and longing for a baby – and the frustration and pain of having to deal with failed IVF cycles is something which most infertile couples learn to deal with in the privacy of their bedrooms.

This is why many people end up saying stuff to infertile couples which is inaccurate and unhelpful – and they often add insult to injury by saying hurtful things, even when they don’t intend to cause pain ( for example, “ Just relax and you’ll get pregnant ! “ )

In order to bridge this gap between the fertile world and infertile couples, we have produced an animated cartoon film called, Making Babies – Everything you wanted to know but didn’t know whom to ask ! You can watch it free at

Feedback is welcome !


Dr Aniruddha Malpani, MD
Malpani Infertility Clinic, Jamuna Sagar, SBS Road, Colaba
Bombay 400 005. India
Tel: 91-22-22151065, 22151066, 2218 3270
FAX ( India) 91-22-22150223.

Helping you to build your family !

PS Watch our infertility cartoon film at

Read our book, How to Have a Baby - A Guide for the Infertile Couple,
online at !

Read my blog about improving the doctor-patient
relationship at

Barbara said...

Hi, I'm Barbara from Fairhaven Health ('Fertilaid Amy' in the blogger world). Hate to bother you- this is not SPAM. I'm with Fairhaven Health. We manufacture natural pregnancy and trying to conceive products. We're the makers of FertilAid, which you may have heard of.

If there's interest on your part, we'd be happy to send you product samples for you to review or to use as giveaways. Just fyi, we're by no means a large pharmaceutical company and are committed to helping women conceive safely and naturally.

I can be reached via